Who am I? *not 24601

*UPDATE: Good Morning Girls just posted the most fitting image for this on Facebook*

What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I pray (as much) as I should?

There was a time when I used to talk to God about everything; sometimes when I’m walking, even aloud (yes, in public). There was a time when I didn’t tire of asking for the same thing over and over again (and that wasn’t even for myself). What happened? When did I become the person who believed that something wasn’t true unless I verbalised (i.e.,prayed about) it? When did I take it upon myself that God didn’t need to hear about my mundane, didn’t want to hear when I wasn’t right with Him, was just as fatigued as I was about my repetitiveness?

In ‘Becoming a Woman With a Hot Prayer Life‘ on Good Morning Girls (GMG), Courtney Joseph writes: “We mustn’t be cold or even lukewarm in our prayer lives. God calls us to be women who pray.”

She quotes E.M.Bounds:

“Praying is a spiritual work; and human nature does not like taxing, spiritual work. Human nature wants to sail to heaven under a favoring breeze.

Prayer is humbling work. It abases intellect and pride, crucifies vainglory, and signs our spiritual bankruptcy, and all these are hard for flesh and blood to bear.

It is easier not to pray than to bear them. So we come to one of the crying evils of these times, maybe of all times –little or no praying…

The little estimate we put on prayer is evident from the little time we give to it.”

And Charles Spurgeon:

“You do not need to have scholarship, training, talent, or wit for prayer. Ask, seek, knock –that is all…Will you believe the promise? It is Christ who gives it. No lie ever fell from His lips. Oh, do not doubt Him. Pray on if you have prayed, and if you have never prayed before, may God help you to begin today!”

It took me a week to process, helped along by the Hymns series from She Reads Truth that I’m following during GMG’s break. These were the hymns, and my takeaways:

Come, Ye Sinners: Waiting till I’m a better person before I feel worthy of approaching God? “If you tarry till you’re better, you will never come at all.”

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing: “Tune my heart” to always remember, to always sing, because I have a love that will never leave me!

It Is Well With My Soul: “Whatever my lot…” Is solitude my lot, Lord?

How Firm a Foundation: Yes, people may make me crumble, but I can trust the Lord completely… and yet, what am I afraid of?

I Need Thee Every Hour: Give it all to Jesus… (of course I had to hunt down that song from my childhood, something my parents played in the car’s cassette player – woo, ’80s here we come – and although I hadn’t heard it in, maybe, 30 years I knew there was a line: “Give them all to Jesus: shattered dreams, wounded hearts…”

When I finished Hymns, I went back to Becoming a Woman With a Hot Prayer Life, and it all just. Oh. My. Jaw drop.  It all, wondrously (oh how God works in mysterious ways!), wove together to literally bring me to my knees. To make me see James 5:13-19 as, not a call, but a comfort: In trouble? Pray. Happy? Sing your praise. Sick? Ask for prayer. Sinner? Pray. Pray for each other. Pray for the impossible. Pray for the ordinary.

And so. To celebrate this moment of enlightenment, here’s a throwback to a time when things were rainbows and butterflies:

And here are the lyrics of Give Them All to Jesus by Bob Sr Benson, Phillip Johnson:

Are you tried of chasing pretty rainbows?
Are you tired of spinning round and round?
Wrap up all the shattered dreams of your life
and at the feet of Jesus lay them down.
Give them all, Give them all,
give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, broken toys
give them all, give them all,
give them all to Jesus
and he will turn your sorrow into joy
He never said you would only see sunshine
he never said there would be no rain
he only promised us a heart full of singing
at’s the very thing that once brought pain.
Give them all, Give them all,
give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, broken toys
give them all, give them all,
give them all to Jesus
and he will turn your sorrow into joy
Give Them all to Jesus
At the feet of Jesus lay them down


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